i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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