cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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