sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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