Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
