I think i sorta joined a cult last night
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
