why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
