I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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