So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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