I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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