The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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