i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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