Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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