Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
