just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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