Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
