I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
