yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
