if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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