You're completely useless in the revolution.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Mom said you looked used
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
