This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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