Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
this will be a night to untag.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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