i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
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attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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