so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
