let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
