I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
