I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
