Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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