I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
