I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Small penises have feelings too.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize