it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
