and you said cock pushups were impossible
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
