Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
