im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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