next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize