just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
