WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
