I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
