I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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