between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
