I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
