Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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