I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
