Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
