How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize