So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
