I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
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I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
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Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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