i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
