she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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