therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
