wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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