I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
