Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
