I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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