some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
