Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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