I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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