It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
