So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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