video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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