After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
