hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
