Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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