Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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