bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
