My Higher Power is John Stamos
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
