If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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