Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
