just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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