I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom said you looked used
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize