I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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