i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
